Yvonne Reis
March 12, 1924 to May 6, 2011



I now have a reason to fear dying, although I do not fear death.

I have always feared pain much more so than death. Pain is an experience that is torturous and when extreme, we just want to turn it off no matter what it takes. Death seems easy, like flipping a switch and game over. I've now seen the cruelties of our society where death may not be obtained so easily.

I knew Yvonne by marrying her daughter Noel, 15 years before the end of her life. She was a good Roman Catholic and always maintained a strong and humble dignity. She always dressed in nice clothes (the kind you'd expect to see if you were going out for something special) and had her hair professionally washed every Friday. She was generally a quiet person, one who had to be coaxed into sharing her desires. She would be horrified to be seen in an uncomprising position, such as a fall that she could not rescue herself from. She was the definition of proper.

So it was a wise move of hers to write a living will. She did not want to be kept alive by machines with no quality of life and be presented to people in a fashion that she would have considered to be undignified.

Yvonne enjoyed attending the 2011 Easter service at her long time church in the morning. We had celebrated dinner at her daughter Lucille's residence in Ladysmith BC with a table of 12 family members. It was a joyous time and all were totally unaware of the sudden change of events that would begin the following Tuesday when Yvonne woke up with a fever and was rushed by ambulance to the hospital in Duncan.

She had a kidney that was not properly functioning, pneumonia, and an ecoli blood infection. They gave her an IV for nourishment and oxygen to help her breath. She was confused at being in the hospital, but aware enough that she could converse with all of the family that came to visit her in ones and twos throughout the next few days. The nurses had presented the severity of her situation and strongly hinted that the long term outcome would not be positive. The family took it hard and rationally discussed the future decisions that would have to be made concerning her care considering some of the possible turn of events. Her living will was a major factor and it was agreed that if there was no hope of a normal life, that all medical support would be discontinued.

During the next few days, her condition remained steady, giving some the hope that this might pass. She was coughing, which was a result of the pneumonia, and the thought was that she might expel the mucus and restore her breathing to a normal fashion. She was eating very little, but more importantly, she was not having much output and the doctors were concerned as to where everything was going.

By the end of the week, she had become much weaker in body and mind. She would be tended to by various family members during the day and her daughters Rosalie and Noel would be with her late into the night. Her mental capacity had diminished to imaginary scenarios and she could not relate to the real world or recognize anyone. On Sunday, she was moved to a private room and the outlook continued to look more grim. After discovering that the hospice care did not keep a constant vigilance on her, the two sisters would spend all night with her. When Yvonne would fall asleep, she would unconsciously remove the canula from her nose after just 5 minutes and the sisters were there to place it back.

Although all tests had been cancelled due to a loss of hope of recovery, a scan was erroneously done by the hospital which proved that a kidney stone was indeed blocking her kidney; her body could not survive the operation. Yvonne was obviously in a lot of pain and the hospital was giving her as much morphine as she could take, but it's ineffectiveness was apparent. The kidney must have hurt tremendously. He injured lungs made every breath taxing. The physicians grew concerned that she could not expel anything, so any IV input would just make things worse, especially her lungs, so it was disontinued and she was then also starving after a week of practically nothing. Each injection of morphine burned tremendously as you could tell from her reaction.

So here was Yvonne's trap. There was no hope of recovery. She had pain from a non functioning kidney, damaged lungs, starvation, dehydration, and morphine injections. Every breath was a struggle and each exhale included a moan of pain; her throat was sore from constantly breathing with it open. With all that on her table, sleep was nearly impossible and she would lay in bed, staring at the ceiling with fear and confusion in her eyes. Although she had a touch of dementia prior to this situation, the extreme physical torments combined with lack of sleep, food, and liquid, had sent her off into a world of illusions and a loss of touch with the real world. She was unable to communicate so she would have not been able to personally consent to put this to an end. I can imagine she had great confusion as to why this was happening and embarrassment that others would be seeing her in such a state.

Noel and Rosalie exhausted themselves looking after her. For days they sat by her side, feeling totally helpless. Here was their mother in a state of agony and there was nothing they could do. There was no chance that Yvonne would recover. Yet for days her heart pumped strongly and kept her alive. Every minute was torture and all the hospital could legally do was wait until she slowly starved or dehydrated to death.

By Thursday, Rosalie needed to return home to get her own medicines and recuperate. They had been coming back to our place in Ladysmith (about 25 minutes away) and getting about 2 to 3 hours of sleep during the day before returning to the hospital and it was draining them. Noel returned alone to the hospital on Thursday night to look after her mom. Yvonne's right hand was a deep purple from the needles. Her mouth had developed sores from being constantly open, even though ointments had been lovingly applied to help with the situation. She was not allowed to wear her dentures, so she looked very unnatural. Her skin was pale and her eyes were small and distant. Her normally well dressed hair was flattened, although frequently combed by her care givers. Her only physical movement was to raise her forearm over her face in an attempt to hide from the embarrassment of her situation. Anyone looking at her would have agreed that keeping her alive at this point would be inhumane. Our society allows us to legally put our pets out of their misery, but not our loved ones. Soldiers on the battlefield will be merciful to their compatriots and end the suffering of a terminally injured mate when witnesses will not present legal problems. But in a hospital situation, we only allow continued suffering and try to muffle it with ineffective drugs. Noel was tortured to see the fear in her mother's eyes, the pained struggle of every breath, and the feeling of being totally helpless to do anything to reduce the suffering of her beloved mother. Every minute was tearing her apart, yet she refused to abandon her mom; unfortunately the end could still continue to be a long way off and every minute was burning these painful memories into her brain. Soon after midnight, Yvonne's breathing became more labored and the nurses were called in, who confirmed that it looked like this was likely to be the end. Yvonne finally was able to close her eyes and sleep, while Noel stood by her side, holding her hand, until finally she took her last breath at 2:12 A.M. The cruelty had finally come to a close.

I certainly would not want to end my life this way, tremendously suffering and with embarrassing helplessness, while torturing those I love around me with emotional trauma that will haunt them forever. It immensely angers me that our society does not allow methods to prematurely end this cruelty and shames me to be part of the human race that treats our fellow beings with such indignity. It certainly does not entice me to want to die of old age when that means the last week of my life will be pure hell and torturously witnessed by everyone I love. Yvonne deserved so much better than this after following a life of near purity and religious devotion. We can only hope that her extreme trust in God was comforting her through her week long trip through hell. Her loved ones were not allowed to give her the comfort she needed. I would have had no reluctance to render her the compassion she required to prevent such a magnitude of needless suffering, save for the legal obstacles that would have surely landed me in prison for many years.

The dignity of a person should come before the dignity of human life.